


You've been scared of love

by r0nj4



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Islamophobia, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 21:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11170815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0nj4/pseuds/r0nj4
Summary: I swear, she and I are soulmates





	You've been scared of love

She's sitting on her bed. Reading about protons and neutrons and everything she has ever wanted to learn, and it's interesting - it really is - she's just a bit distracted. There's something in the back of her mind, something she wants to learn even more than the pages of the book in her lap. The quirk of his brow, the softness of his hair, the sway of his body when he dances.

She had her first crush on a boy when she was eight. He had sandy brown hair and green eyes and she hadn't decided to wear the hijab yet. He would give her butterflies in her stomach and heart palpitations and one time a worm picked up from the playground, squirming and covered in dirt. The grand romantic gesture. She never gave him anything in return, maybe from fear of rejection, or maybe for something else, instead she yelled and told him that he was gross. That was who she was. _Bossy. Angry._

In eighth grade she wore her hijab with pride, and the boy with the sandy brown hair gave her chills walking past her in the corridor, but not like he had done before. The flutters in her chest were no longer for his green eyes, or his smile, because he hadn’t smiled at her for years. He would quirk his brow, scoff, and mutter words under his breath. _Gross_. She wished for a simpler time. A time of silly romantic gestures, butterflies, and worms covered in dirt. After one too many mutters she cornered him against a locker, put her hand against his throat and everything from there on was black. Because if that was who he wanted her to be, she could be like that too. _Angry. A bitch._

She didn't believe in crushes. They were for the weak. And then she was fourteen and alone and her brother brought a new friend home from school. A boy with the softest hair and the darkest eyes and she was proved wrong.

_I swear, she and I are soulmates._

She stares at the page of her book, but the words echoing in her mind are different altogether. She thinks of him stealing her ball, like a twelve year old, and her deleting him as a friend from facebook because she always pushes things away. Because maybe that's who she is, deep down. Maybe she's just afraid. Maybe the ghost of a boy with sandy brown hair still haunts her.

“Have you gone to bed already?”

Her mother stands in the doorway, peeking in. Her eyes warm, her smile soft.

“No…” she says. “I'm just studying.”

Her mother walks in, picks up laundry from the floor.

“When was the last time you tidied your room?” She asks, without malice, and Sana laughs.

When her mother walks up to her vanity her heart picks up speed.

“Those are nice, did you pick them? Maybe time for new ones, though.” She strokes a finger along the rim of the glass with the blue flowers. “I could throw them out for you?”

It's a question, always a question. Her mother never assumes.

“No!”

“Oh. Alright.”

 

Her mother is walking away with the laundry and her back is turned when Sana speaks again.

“Yousef gave them to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote Sana as a victim of bullying who lashes out and fights back, and thus making the post on saranors2 correct. Please comment if you disagree with this characterization, or anything else for that matter! Thank you for reading. <3


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